Letter to the Peeps Archive Page
GOATS MILK, SUNDANCE, AND MOVIE MAKING MAGIC LAND
Josh's Letter to the Peeps for February 2006
Chronic Zing fans,
I don’t know about all y’all, but we here at Chronic Zing
Headquarters (located in the bowels of Movie Making Magic Land) have finished
with 2005 and have begun a new year. We chose 2006, for chronological
purposes (it helps in keeping paperwork sorted correctly). We used 2005
like a plagiarist uses a stolen library book, wiped our noses with it,
and tossed it aside for the next generation of pilgrims to stumble upon.
So what did Chronic Zing accomplish with our old pal 2005? Well I’ll
tell ya’. . . A lot! More than you can shake a stick at. We posted
Catch!, did a television pilot, held a premiere, launched a new commercial
production house known as The ATOM, did the film festival thingy, landed
a corn hole load of production work, and began pre-production on some
upcoming film projects. And if that’s not enough, we all adopted
a small pack of Philipino children.
Okay, I made up that last part, but the rest was all-true.
Now I know what you’re going to ask. If you did all of that in
a measly 365 days, what on earth is left for the new year that you so
intelligently refer to as “2006”? Well, a trip to Holland
to hike the Alps and sample goat’s milk was a high priority, until
we realized where goat’s milk came from. Yech!! Now we’re
just looking ahead to some incredibly awesome projects. A new film or
two are currently in pre-production, and hopefully we’ll be able
to share some of the details with you before long. Sausagehead and Catch!
aren’t quite finished with their festival run. In fact, Sausagehead
is on its way to the grand-poobah of all festivals. . . Sundance. . .
well. . .sort of (that’s another story all of it’s own). The
Atom is going full force and is expected to continue growing by leaps
and bounds over the next year. And Jason is currently looking into buying
a small farm in the Tetons for the sole purpose of raising carrier pigeons.
It’s his way of protesting the continued rise in price of the postage
stamp. Way to go Jason!
Anyhoosier, it’s already looking as though we are going to be
busier than ever in 2006, and if that’s the case, I’m sure
you can count on me to be delinquent with my monthly newsletter. But never
fear. Someday, when I’m wealthy. . . really really wealthy. . .
I’m going to be laying on a beach in Tijuana, sipping on a fancy
little drink with an umbrella in it and rubbing cocoa butter on my belly
for fun. And on that day, I’ll have nothing better to do than to
write my little words and sing my little songs . . . and all will be fine
in Movie Making Magic Land. Until then, please excuse my tardiness.
Josh
Movies, Baseball, and Peter Cetera
Josh's Letter to the Peeps for May 2005
Chronic Zing fans,
It’s springtime in Chronic Zing-land and I am one happy feller.
Flowers are bloomin’, bird songs fill the air, and baseball is back
in full swing. The Yankees are off to a shaky start thus far. But never
you fear, o ye of little faith. The Yanks are going to win their division,
handily defeating that wooly half-bathed Boston team.
Speaking of baseball, Jason and myself are tickled to announce that
our latest film, Catch!, is only moments away
from completion and you the public have an opportunity to be among the
first to see it. A Catch! premiere is planned
for the 5th of May, with a second viewing on Sunday the 8th, and then
it’s off to film festivals around the globe.
I am so happy and excited. I’ve been waiting to see this piece
of cinematic stupidity come to a completion. And now that it’s here.
. . I’m scared. Sweaty palms, shaky voice, loose bowels. I guess
that could have something to do with the four cans of frozen apple juice
concentrate that I ate for dinner last night. Anyway, it’s bad folks.
It’s so bad that I’ve had this craving to listen to Peter
Cetera’s Greatest Hits. Thus far I have been able to withstand the
temptation. . . but how long can I hold out.
I’M ONLY ONE MAN, FOR PETE’S SAKE! I CAN’T DO THIS ALONE!
Sorry.
Why am I scared, you ask? I’ll tell you. I am scared and hesitant
over the very same thing that I am excited and anticipant about. This
movie Catch! was initially just a fun and simple
story concocted in my mind over a year and a half ago. It has since been
cared for and nurtured by Jason and myself to this state of strategic
stupidity. Now it’s going to be placed in front of tens of people,
like sweaty cheese on a platter, to be viewed and ultimately judged. Will
they like it? Will they hate it? Will they laugh? Will they get nauseous?
Now with Sausagehead, I was trying to evoke
all of those emotions, but this is Catch!. And
Catch! is the good son. Sausagehead
is the Cain of Chronic Zing (and purposefully so) while Catch!
is the Able. Sausagehead is Van Halen with Sammy
Hagar, while Catch! is Van Halen with David
Lee Roth. Sausagehead is Timothy Dalton as James
Bond (well not that bad. Let’s say Roger Moore), and Catch!
is Sean Connery as James Bond.
I’m not saying Sausagehead is a worse
movie than Catch!. It just serves a different
purpose. Peter Cetera isn’t worse as a solo artist than when he
was with Chicago, he just serves a different purpose. Okay, that’s
not true. He’s a lot worse by himself, even with Cher’s baritone
voice harmonizing alongside his. But you get the point I’m trying
to make.
What was the point I was trying to make? I think it had to do with spring,
and baseball, and the New York Yankees. Yes that’s it. Okay. Here
it is. The point to all of this. . . (Peter Cetera playing softly in the
background) Love all of your children equally. Even if one of them is
a psycho clown living in a toilet with a mad desire to devour sausage.
Being different doesn’t mean it’s bad (except in the case
of Timothy Dalton and Peter Cetera). Being different just means it just
serves a different purpose.
I don’t know what I’m writing. My hands are sweaty and I’m
a retard. You figure it out.
Josh
Zingy Resolutions
Josh's State of the Zing Address for January/February 2005
Chronic Zing fans,
So another year has come and gone, and it has unquestionably been Chronic
Zing Entertainment’s most successful year thus far. 2004 began with
the production of our first indie film, Sausagehead.
And around that same time, word arrived at Chronic Zing headquarters that
we had been awarded a 2004 Silver Telly Award for our work on 2003’s
Bill Across America pilot episode. The award
was the first of this kind for Chronic Zing. The post production work
for Sausagehead was stretched through much of
the year as other projects kept Chronic Zing staffers (affectionately
called “Zingies”) hopping the months away. The summer saw
the start of pre-production on Chronic Zing’s next short film, Catch!.
Principal shooting took place in the Fall. Then in November, we received
our second major award of the year as our film Sausagehead
was honored with the Best Picture Award at the 2004 Show-Me Digital Film
Festival.
So what’s in store for 2005? Catch! is
currently in post-production and is looking forward to an early Spring
release. Following its completion, it will be screened at film festivals
around the globe, gaining major exposure for Chronic Zing. Also on the
table for 2005 are plans for our next film project, a feature length yet
to be announced. And who knows what the heck else! So now it’s a
New Year and like everyone else in the world, we here in Zing-land want
to make New Year’s resolutions (keep in mind, we have every intention
of breaking these resolutions).
Resolution 1: We here at Chronic Zing pledge to accomplish
unmeasured success, gaining worldwide exposure, and wealth unmatched by
any other, except maybe Richard Branson . . . but hey, who can compete
with an accent like that.
Resolution 2: Chronic Zing is completely devoted in
the next year to be nominated as well as win an Academy Award for their
outstanding work on the yet to be released feature film Police Academy
10: Stupid Cops Doing Relatively Funny Things Without Steve Guttenberg.
Resolution 3: Chronic Zing will successfully launch
its new line of perfumes and body sprays. Featuring scents such as Skank,
Flaming Poo, and Body by Sausagehead.
Resolution 4: The Chronic Zing Softball team will
go 40 and 1, dropping only to the greatest ball club in the history of
professional sports, the New York Yankees. However we will have beaten
the Boston Red Sox, the Dave Matthews Band, and the entire cast of Barney
Miller.
Resolution 5: After strict diet and exercise Head-writer
and Director Josh Williams will get back to his original body weight...
6 ½ lbs.
Resolution 6: It is in our most sincere intentions
to give a new Pontiac Grand Prix to everyone who... well, let’s
just make it everyone.
Josh
They Loves The Sausage!
Josh's Letter To The Peeps For November 2004
Chronic Zing fans,
So the big honkin’ news around the water coolers across America
is the humongulous win by Chronic Zing Entertainment at the 2004 Show-Me
Digital Film Festival. Our latest film, Sausagehead,
walked away winning the Best Picture award. Woo-Hoo! It beat out fourteen
other films from around the globe, including films from Los Angeles and
Australia. We kicked their chickens. . . and they liked it. CLICK
HERE FOR PICTURES OF THE EVENT
Who’da thunk that a plot-less film could achieve such an unachievable
achievement? Well, if you were one of those doubters, let me remind you
that Cats was the longest running musical in Broadway history, and there
was arguably no plot to that. In fact, I think the concept of the “plot”
is highly overrated. Perhaps that can be Chronic Zing’s thumbprint
on the world of entertainment. Remove the plot. When I first saw the musical
Cats, I waited and waited up to the point of intermission for the story
to kick in, but was ultimately let down. Once I realized that there was
no story (and no plot), I came to terms with the fact and thoroughly enjoyed
the second half. “I get it,” I said to myself. “This
is just a bunch of nonsense. Just a bunch of cats jumping around like
idiots. How ingenious. That Andrew Lloyd Webber is one whacky Englishman.”
So now I’m like,”Hey, I got a stupid idea. I can put a clown
in a toilet and make him want to eat this girls head because he thinks
her head’s made of Sausage.” It’s Cats without the music.
Sorta. . .
So what does this award mean for Sausagehead
and Chronic Zing? It makes a nice wall decoration, sure, but more than
that, it gives us momentum going into more festivals which will eventually
lead to recognition and sooner or later we will be playing with the big
boys. Rolling out big budget films while lying in our hammocks in Tiajuana,
sipping Dulce de Leche out of one of those umbrella-clad coconut looking
drinks. And Jason will say to the waitress,
“ Excuse me, Senorita, but can I have some more jelly beans.”
And I’ll say, “Yeah, me too. And bring me a taco.” Then
She’ll run off to do her womanly duty and we’ll laugh about
all the money we’ve blown on funny looking hats. I can’t wait.
But before any of that can happen, we’ve got to finish our
Sausagehead DVD, and have to get Catch!
edited. Oh well, we all have to learn to be patient.
Josh
Sausagehead Update
Josh's Letter to the Peeps for October 2004
With two films going at the same time (one currently in production and
one in post), we at Chronic Zing are up to our necks in filmmaking poo.
Principle shooting for our newest project, Catch!,
began on October 2 and is expected to be wrapped in the following weeks
to come. We are very happy to announce, however, that we are only hours
away from the completion of Sausagehead. The
short film that began production in March of this year and stars Matt
Scott and Johanna Mihalko, will soon be printed to tapes, discs, and a
plethora of other useful multi-media devices. And if all goes as planned,
it will change the world as we know it. Our hope is to begin submission
of this film to festivals all across the country by late October. Once
accepted by festivals, we will update you on it’s locations and
show times, as well as it’s performance at these festivals.
This is a very exciting time for Jason and I, and everyone at Chronic
Zing Entertainment. It’s kind of like we’ve been molding and
shaping this little baby, and soon this baby is going to be starting it’s
first day of school. And as the school bus pulls up and our little movie
baby boards, Jason and I will stand outside with tears in our eyes waving
into the distance until we can no longer see the big yellow mobile machine.
Only it’s not really a bus, it’s a mailbox that we’ll
be waving at with tears in our eyes, then the mailman will arrive and
take our package away, and we’ll be all like, “Now you take
care of our baby, Mr. Bus Driver.” And he’ll be like, “
I’m a mailman, you retards.” And then we’ll be like,
“Oh yeah.” And he’ll drive away into the sunset. . .
except the mail usually comes in the morning. Anyway, that’s kind
of what things are like right now, here at Chronic Zing’s Secret
Underground Headquarters. It’s very exciting, and we just ask for
your continued support and encouragement.
Josh
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