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Foofy-Coffee and High Speed Internet
Josh's Letter to the Peeps for Fall 2006
Josh WilliamsGrand Poobah of Bills |
I’m sitting at my favorite local foofy-coffee shop, utilizing their high-speed Internet connection. Apparently my home-office is located approximately one mile outside of my local DSL provider’s boundaries. Jason on the other hand, lives in the depths of the jungles known as Sparta, Missouri (map here), a mere speck of fruit fly poo on the face of a Missouri map. But does he get DSL? Oh yeah. They give it out like candy in Sparta. “Would you like DSL? Heck, take two of ‘em.” The local residents of Sparta don’t have teeth, much less computers, but DSL flows like milk and honey out there. I, on the other hand, live in a little town called BRANSON, MISSOURI!! It’s only the third biggest vacation destination in the entire United States! But can I get DSL? Heck no! We Bransonians have to play up the whole innocent hillbilly act. So I guess that means no Internet. Wouldn’t want to make the 8 million tourists think that we’re not really living in the 1880’s. |
Anyway . . . After a long absence, I’ve decided to once again write
my monthly “Letter to the Peeps.” Somehow, this letter has
morphed from a monthly letter into a bi-annual letter. You can point the
finger and call me “slacker” all you want. But hey, this isn’t
as easy as it seems. Oh sure, it’s all fun and games to write silly
letters, right? Wrong! There’s a lot of strategy and planning that
goes into this. There is strategy in our stupidity. Besides, when was
the last time you wrote a “Letter to the Peeps”? That’s
what I thought.
So, I’m sure many of you out there are wondering to yourselves,
“ Does Chronic Zing still make films?” The answer: Of course
we do, silly. In fact, you couldn’t be timelier with your question
as we are just about to embark on what could potentially be our greatest
endeavor yet. We are about to breathe new life into an old idea that has
been shelved in the annals of the Chronic Zing Warehouse and Book Depository.
Now you’re asking, “So what’s with doing an old idea?
Doesn’t Chronic Zing have any new ideas?” The answer: Of course
we do, silly. Lots of them. In fact, I’ve had three ideas just in
the short time I’ve been writing this letter. However, for legal
reasons, I cannot share them with you right now, but I will say that one
of them has to do with a talking camel named Tootie and a cow with a bad
case of indigestion. Ahh . . . comedy.
Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. We are reuniting some faces from Chronic Zings past and focusing on an idea that had never quite found its place in this crazy world we live in. But now some forty years later, we are ready to rock and roll. And I am giddy with anticipation.
Once production is underway, we will reveal this project to the world. And then total world domination will ensue! Our Chronic Clones will turn against their Jedi allies, and wipe out all wisdom and sanity and we shall rein supreme, both here on Earth and on the Planet Corn! Then I will be referred to by all as the Great Fritter-er: Lord of all that is turd and turd-like! Mwahahahahahahaha!
Strategic Stupidity. That’s who we are. That’s what we do
best. That is how we will one day rule the galaxy. Then we can get free
DSL!!!!
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Besides being one heck of a Writer/Director, Josh Williams is a great humanitarian. His crowning achievement is the establishment of the Josh Williams Famine Relief Fund, a relief organization dedicated to helping all the Josh Williams' of the world. If you'd like to donate drop him an e-mail at "josh at chroniczing.com." full bio here |
